Thank You, Thank You Very Much

Im All Shook Up, ah huh! I never have a Blue Christmas, cuz I am keeping my family entertained. They Love Me Tender and Dont Be Cruel. But being the Hound Dog that I am sometimes lands me in a Jailhouse Rock, only when I am Lonesome at Night. This is my Heartbreak Hotel on the web and Im always here to be your Teddy Bear!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Nothing Good to Eat

Ok Normally I don't like to talk crap about the Mrs. but man that chick doesn't do any grocery shopping.. besides frozen pizzas and beer, there is nothing to eat in the place. I guess its a good thing that old lady across the street is there to keep an eye on the boys, only way they will get fed.
So I went to the store and filled up on a few necessities. Coffee, cereal (an elf needs to stay regular), some chips, chicken and condiments. Along with a snickers bar to satisfy my hunger between trips to and from the North Pole.

Oh and ya I got myself a lil Mojito mix... an Elf needs to unwind now and then with a lil beverage.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I will never drink again....

UGGG famous last words! So since Mr Marine was promoted, I decided to drink it up in celebration of his new rank. Keeping up with a Marine is hard, they must have a course on how to drink it up in boot camp. The Elves course has something like that regarding hot cocoa, but we don't get too many spiked to have to worry about the after effects.
I will say it was a rough night, thankfully no one drove anywhere we were all save and the Mrs made us breakfast burritos the next day to calm our tummies.

There was a saying the Mr kept telling us, "If your going to run with the wolves at night, you better be ready to howl in the morning." well there was howling alright, just not the kind you would think of. I'm finally feeling better but I think it will be a long time before I party like a rock start again!

Friday, December 21, 2012

A Few Good Men

In honor of Mr Marine who was being promoted to E9 MGySgt (Master Gunny Sergeant) after 20years in the Corps, I lined up all the troops to formation.
It must have been way to early for these guys too because they did not want to stand at attention. Kept falling down left and right.

Sgt Elfis Pricely ready for duty SIR!

All troops present and accounted for!

My mom would be so proud of me in my cammies, dog tags, and holding my 2nd amendment right to bear arms!

Mr Marine almost looks as good as I do in his uniform, being sworn in to rank.

The Mr & Mrs... all ready to spend his promotion money.. in 6months when that kicks in. I heard her say something like "E, you just got promoted to MGySgt guess where I'm going.. to Disney World.. in May!" But I have no clue what that was about? Poor guy, he works hard for her money!

Wonder if Barb will swoon for me in my uniform. I could totally pull off being an Officer and a Gentleman, I mean I am one of The Few, The Proud, The Elf!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

If its got to be clean...

It's got to be done myElf.. er Self LMAO.
What can I say, I was running out of clean clothes and rather than go and buy more, which I was REALLY debating on doing. I decided to just do a small load myself.. VERY SMALL!

I didn't want to throw anything in the dryer either, heaven forbid it actually shrink.. then what? I have clothes available for my Elf friends kids. Since I was down to my last pair of underwear I hurried and washed then hung them out to dry. I needed something clean and nice for my next date with Barb...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Pen Pals

I have a few friends that are from the NP and are Santa Spies also. Normally we just see each other here and there when we are checking in with the BIG GUY. But you know how it is being busy and focus you sometimes miss each other. Well I received a letter from my friend Elly. She's stationed with a nice family in St Louis and watches over 3 lil girls. Seems Elly got a little bit homesick, and wrote to a bunch of us telling about her time in Missouri. She's pretty bummed that there is no snow there either and apparently the parents are health freaks... No SUGAR either. Her letter didn't say but I hope at least there was some beer in that place since they are in the home town of my Mrs favorite drink!
In case you cant read the letter from Elly states,
"Dear Elf Friends: Leon, Sparkle, Buddy, Mr. Elf, Sprinkle, Elfis, & Mrs. Elf,
How are you? I am 3/4 of the way through the season and very homesick. My family has been rough on me this year. The oldest girl is always singing and twirling, the middle one is always falling off the chair and running into the walls, and the littlest one hasn't been listening to her mom and dad.. I think I might have Santa come early so I can get out of here! Did you know that Missouri doesn't have ANY snow right now? NO SNOW! It's a serious crisis. What will happen if they don't have a white Christmas??? This house needs more sugar too. Why on earth are they eating healthy during the holidays?"
So in between my blogging I wrote her back.
"Hi Elly,
I got your letter, it was so good to hear from you. Man seems you have a serious case of sadness. I wish I was there to give you a hug. But just think only another week left with our family's then we get to go back to the North Pole. I'm actually a lil sad about that. I love my family... well the kids are cool, the dad doesn't bother me he's usually asleep on the couch or eating a burger. But the Mom.. OMG major hottie, and she pays so much attention to me.. I think she's hot for my body! I wish I could empathise with you about the no snow but I'm in Cali and the other day I was swimming, in DECEMBER.. it was awesome! Maybe we should switch families next year... cuz the Mac family has TONS of sugar here. In fact they still have 2 packages of Twinkies they are savoring... Those puppies might disappear soon though.. just saying. Anyways hun Ive got to run, got a date I need to get ready for. Just wanted to let you know I'm always here for you!
Luv, Elfis
P.S. Hey Marci, Holly, & Elfira how you broads doing?
P.S.S. If you get bored just check out my blog... its sure to keep you laughing!

Damn I forgot to ask Elly if she's been to a Rams Game.. thats the other thing from St Louis that the Mrs. loves. Ahh well.. hope my other friends are doing well in their homes and with their families. 6more days than we get to vacation ladies... Im think we should plan something for May... maybe Walt Disney Word!!! :)

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Game Time

Len and I were bored waiting for the boys to get up so he challenged me to a game of Beer pong!
Im not one to toot my own horn but toot toot man I friggen rock at this game!

Here Len is trying to hit a cup poor kid, was sloshed after 1 game.

Luckily the Mrs has her liquor cabinet stocked with all kinds of good stuff. We were only drinking Rudolph's Revenge Winter Ale too, nothing strong like Elf Whiskey, what a lightweight!

Wonder what would happen to ol Len if we did keg stands, beer bongs and shots.. oh man would it be a rough morning for him LOL.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Wild Nite at the "Purple Church"

Decided to get my boys together and hit up the "Purple Church" aka the Strip Club. We call it the Purple Church cuz my friend Eric on the right, his wife Ariel gets mad when he goes. Ever since he messed with some chick Ursula but that was before they were even married.
So this cute Blondie was doing her thang on the Pole. Man could she work it!

Watch out Eric.. she kind of looks like Ursula, she'll put a trance on you, then poor Ariel will come walking over to me, and I'll have to "console" her!

 This is Glen, poor guy has a bad neck but it didn't stop him from getting a lap dance from this gal... who vaguely resembles Darbi... tell me she doesn't look like that chick.

Making it rain in the club! Got to support the Single Moms!

If this ain't Darbi, then that girl has a twin.. But I swear she's got moves just like Darbi.
I fell in love with a Stripper... shhh don't tell Barb!!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Party All The Time!

Had a holiday get together, and set up a photobooth. Thought that would be a fun activity to keep the party going. Boy was it! I think the Mrs wanted to do this for her New Years party she was so envious of the pics.
Since Darbi and I didn't work out and remained friends I introduced her to my buddy Len. They seemed to have a lot in common.

Hmm who's Naughty and who's Nice?

Want to sit on Santa's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas girls!

She makes the snow I walk on melt!

Another cute couple, Len & Darbi.

Good Friends, Fun time!

Just the 2 of us! We can make it if we try!

I got another sweet peck on the check from a pretty gal!

She reached for my hand 1st!

This is the start of something special....


Saturday, December 15, 2012

Sad Day

Tonight I sent prayers to all that were touched by this tragedy. My friend Marci started a prayer vigil and I felt this was the right thing to do and followed her lead!  There are no words to describe how upsetting this is to hear. My heart is with Newtown, Ct.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Up Up and Away

Barb and I had rescheduled our date for tonight, so I finally thought of an idea. Well I had help from another friend of mine, they saw there was a Groupon for Helium Air Balloon Rides. I jumped on the deal and off Barb and I went for a nice and romantic moonlight date!
Our conversation just flowed again while we looked out over the basket.
We had a great time, and snuggled awhile to keep each other warm. At the end of the ride we made plans for another date. Thankfully Barb said she would make plans this time.

Now don't forget to cast your vote the Mrs needs an ipad!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Magic MElfis

I had to cancel my date with Barb, a previous employer of mine needed me to help fill in. I'm an entrepreneur and make furniture, but right now it doesn't pay much of the bills. But between Elfings for Santa and picking up some extra shifts at the club I make due. See I'm a stripper! WHAT? I have like $13,000 saved. I know that's a lot of ones. LOL There are some fives in there too. You don't wanna know what I have to do for twenties!

Alright ladies the law says you cannot touch! But I think I see a lotta lawbreakers up in this house tonight...
Mr Marines friends were cracking up when they saw me and the 2 blonde's. What can I say I know how to have a great time!
**Have you voted today? Remember I'm #43 !!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Its a Wrap

Sorry Ive been MIA, Mr Marine had some friends over (good times were had by them all lots of drinks were drank!), the Mrs laptop took a dump so I had no time to update the ol blogger. But Im back with lots to say!
So I cracked myself up with this one, another where I could barely contain my laughter. Used up a whole roll of the Mrs xmas wrapping. She said it was ok though it was only from the $1 store. This goes on my list of hardest things to wrap. I do regret not making a "NO PEEING" tag (get it no peekings no peeing!!)
When Mr Marines friends (and their wives) came they were cracking up and told the Mrs that I was adorable and they were looking forward to seeing what shinanigans I came up while they stayed with us! Oh Ive got something good planned for them alright!! but in the mean time, the boys laughed at the toilet and it did help keep it clean for Mr Marine LOL.
Only 5more days to vote for me.. come on I need to be in the top 3 to be considered to win

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

Or in this case Save an Elf, Ride a Horse!
I call him Mr Ed.
I didnt care for when the Nana came over and said he looks like Howdy Doody. I knew I never liked that broad!
I know not to wild on this one for the boys, but Ive got a lot on my mind. 1st that date with Barb, I think Im over thinking on where to take her on her date. I figure somewhere semi romantic, but still FUN!
Also just a friendly elf reminder.. VOTE FOR ME DAMIT lol and share it with your friends and family! Click here and vote #43!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Blind Date

I was set up... on a blind date that is. Have you ever been semi forced into that, you know its your friend so you don't want to be a jerk so you say ok, but really you just want to say HELL NO. Well I got suckered into it by my buddy GI Moe. Nice guy, Mr Marine wouldn't like him though cuz he's "being all he can be."
So Moe tells me he's got a civilian he works with really sweet, funny, and great personality. Once he said the great personality I thought oh crap I'm going out with Lassie a total dog. But I go anyways, I mean whats the harm I do a lil networking that way and I'm sure there's a bar if I need to make the most of it.
When I got to the place the waitress sat me and I lost it, this chick was gorgeous. I was already thanking Moe before I even said Hello, how could that numb nut leave out how pretty she was. So we introduce ourselves, her name is Barbi, but she prefers Barb, says it sounds more mature. She has beautiful blue eyes and long blond hair and the legs on her.... owe momma. I'm a total leg man and she just blew me over with those legs, I'll admit her ass and rack were pretty tight too! Really a total package!!
We talked for hours she and I have a lot in common, such as we both love kids, are workout snobs, and like to be on the cusp of fashion. We both have been dating but haven't found that special someone yet to get serious with.
When dinner was over I walked her to her car. Oh and even that is sweet. She has an old European ride, its pretty dope!
After some small talk I asked her if she would like to go out again, and she said sure how about Wednesday? Perfect!
 Then came what I thought was that awkward moment, do you kiss, don't ya kiss, handshake, retarded hug? But instead she planted a nice sweet peck on my cheek.

Damn this was by far the best date I've had in a while. I guess I owe GI Moe a 6pack! 

Now I just need to plan the perfect 2nd date. You know that can make or brake it.
 **ps dont forget to vote for me #43 Inappropriate Elf Contest

Sunday, December 9, 2012


I just flew in .. and no my arms are not tired .. but I am starving. I had a long trip back and didnt have time to grab anything from the airport so I thought I would just whip something up at the Mac shack... sadly though they have no food in their house. Well good food to make something with at least. But boy do they keep a good supply of the alcohol! I know where I need to visit to get hammered!

Anyhow I quickly made some panicakes (what grown Elves can say it like that, its what happens when Im around kids all damn day you start picking up their language) so it was a short stack.. a really short stack. Good thing it was just me eatting though cuz they only had enough syrup left for 1 elf. Thank god that old hag nana lives across the street though cuz they sent the teenager over there to "borrow" some .. I never saw them return it though.

They were delish if I do say so myself. The Mrs. didnt take the hint and make any instead she feed them beans, eggs, potatoes, bacon, tortillas and chorizo on almost everything. Thank god I brought the snow in the night before cuz with all that spice, this family sure can stank up a bathroom.
Got to hit the rack... damn Im talking like Mr Marine!.. Anyhow dont forget to vote for me #43 Inappropriate Elf Contest

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Summa Summa Summer Time

1st off if you haven't hear I entered a contest, a photo contest, interestingly enough called the Inappropriate Elf. I know, right up my alley huh! So before going on PLEASE go vote for me and help the Mrs. win an ipad/camera/ or 3ds. Vote *HERE* I'm #43!
This is my entry... what I was having a Titanic moment.
I'm sure you all were wondering what shenanigan I pulled today. Well nothing much really. These Californians really to have it made. With the good weather they hit the Jacuzzi last night. So the next day I though its such a nice day why not take a dip in the pool too.

I'm so glad no one noticed I wasn't wearing my swim trunks, No clue where the Mrs. moved all my crap. So guess they didn't mind me skinny dipping?
Welp gotta go, my flight is soon back to the NP, the family is busy playing with their new toy. Mr Marine brought home a new tv.. that things HUGE (that's what she said LOL) Guess these people don't wait until the fat man brings them gifts they just get their own. Wonder what the Mrs gets out of that deal?? She's been bitch'n about a new phone, don't know why that broad doesn't just get it herself?
Alright I'm outtie.. don't forget to vote for me!